you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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