we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
