Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
