No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
