I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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