Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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