So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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