If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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