Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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