Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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