I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize