wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
