the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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