Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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