I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
