I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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