saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
