i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
