ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
