My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
