The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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