i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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