and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
