It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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