whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
