Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
