dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
kristin has been a bad kristin
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
