he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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