Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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