i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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