That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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