can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
