hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
