you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
