Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
