tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
