he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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