I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
