My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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