I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
