at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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