Cold hands, warm shart.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
