I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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