it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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