I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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