I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
