you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
