I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wanna go halves on a baby?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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