I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
