nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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