she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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