It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
