are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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