I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
