yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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