She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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