In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
