I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
