Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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