im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
