Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize