not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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