no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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