Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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