what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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